I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
