Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
