If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
