Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
