No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
