I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
