so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
