I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I love having hate sex.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
