rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
