Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
