You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
