So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
40s are totally the cure
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
