I like my sex mixed with concussions.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Randomize
