honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
my liver is dry heaving
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
