considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
