sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
