he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
