i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
