Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
