The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
