we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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