I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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