I want you more than these girls want KFC
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
