I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
