I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
