the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
