I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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