I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
