the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
