"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
