did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
