sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
