Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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