this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
