I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
