My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
