Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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