I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
