I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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