thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
