if i can run in heels then i can drive
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
