I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We left the knife in your bed.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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