My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
