every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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