i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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