operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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