I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
