I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
