Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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