i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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