I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
We need to rekindle our bromance
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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