i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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