Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
