small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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